So tonight I had to look after my three nephews as my brother (their dad) was taken into the hospital. Fed them dinner and they were playing games on the computer. Me: Boys, I'm just going outside down to the kidding yard, to milk the goat, I'll be back inside in 10 minutes Harley: Can I come? Jaden: Can I watch? Seth: Can I try? So off we toddle to the kidding yard, me wearing a torch on my head, the boys following along (it was pitch dark), the poddy lambs kept racing around our legs, we got some food (Can I carry it?), went to the kidding yard ... Me: Uh oh Boys: What? Me: (sees hundreds of glinting green goat eyes in the torch light) the other goats broke into the kidding yard. You wait here and protect the food, hold the milk jug, while I chase them out Me: (running round like a maniac, hissing at them) Goats: Hey mum! Got any food for us? Hey, you do have food! Gimme! Gimme! Hey why you chasing us? You wanna play? Cool, its play time, lets run and dance and kick up our heels! Huh? Go out the gate? What gate? Huh? Its too dark, I dont see any gate! Ooooh, that gate. Oh, okay, spoil all the fun why dont you. Sweet Pea angora goat: oh boy, I hope she doesnt see me hiding in this shed ... Boys: Hey you missed a goat! Sweet Pea: Busted! Me: Out you go, Pea Brain Me: (sigh of relief) Okay boys, you can come in now, bring the food and milk jug Now one large dairy goat, three boys and myself all squeeze into one of my kidding stalls which doubles as a milking area (I dont use a milk stand) Anna: Oh good you've got my food. Munch munch munch Me: okay boys, this is how you do it. You have to trap the milk in the teat with your top fingers, and use the rest of the fingers to squeeze it down like that. See what happens if you dont trap it in the teat? It all zooms back up again. Move the jug out of the way for a minute Jaden Jaden: Why? Me: cos you have to put the first bit on the ground, thats the dirty bit, and you dont want it in the jug cos we dont want to drink it Seth: oh my god, you actually drink that Me: Yeah Seth: you mean you drink that milk just like that, like, without doing anything to it? Dont you have to send it to the shop first and they do stuff to it and then you get it back and you can drink it Me: (trying not to giggle) no, you just drink it fresh Seth: but what if there's hairs in it Me: well, I strain it first. Now, you want to have a go first seth? Seth: yeah, um ... Me: grab her teat, and close off the top and squirt the milk out Seth: (squeals a little when he first touches the teat) ah, okay, wow thats so weird, um (milk slips back up into the udder), hang on, okays (another squeal when milk actually comes out), ew, thats kinda gross Harley: but its kinda cool too Seth quite happily milking away, one handed, on one side of the udder Me: Okay, time for Harleys turn Harley: hey, this is cool. What happens if she kicks the jug? Me: she never kicks the jug, she's a well behaved goat Harley: But what happens if she does? Me: well the milk gets spilled but she never does that Harley: okay Anna: Munch munch munch (what on earth are they doing back there?) Jaden: okay Harl, can I have a turn now Harley: yep Jaden: (grabs the teat and starts milking like a pro, seriously you would swear he'd done it a hundred times) cool Me: (joking) hey, look at you go! Have you done this before? Jaden: nope, I just saw it on tv Me: okay, that side's empty, seth do you want to start on the other side Jaden: wait, dont they both empty Me: no, it has two different sides Seth: what, like its two seperate stomachs Me: well its two separate containers of milk, yeah, but not stomachs Harley: Aunty Keren, this little baby goat is trying to get in here Me: thats alright he wont get it Seth: (continues milking) Harl do you want to go now my arm is getting sore Harley: yep (starts milking) Anna: munch munch munch (happy goat) Seth: Aunty Keren, this little baby goat is trying to get in here Me: dont worry, he cant get in Jaden: Aunty Keren, this little baby goat is getting in here. No seriously. I think you should look Me: (freaking out to see Pride climb straight up the mesh gate, jump into Seth's lap and head straight for Anna's feed) oh crap Harley: hey, give the torch back here I cant see what I'm doing Me: Oh sorry, hey! (as milk squirts in my face) Harley: sorry, you blinded me with the light Jaden: at least you could have had a taste test Seth: aunty keren, I cant get this baby goat to leave Me: dont worry, just let him Seth: but he's eating her food! Me: thats okay Anna: its NOT okay - get lost Pride (headbutt) Seth: she's being really mean to him! Me: thats okay, she'll tell him who is boss. I think we'd better give Jaden a turn now to finish her off Harley: (stops milking) yeah my hands are sore Jaden: okay (grabs teat) This is where all hell breaks loose Anna: whoah! watcha grabbin back there?! I thought we were finished milking! Me: (head pressing into her side to stop the dancing, at the same time trying to align the jug under the milk being squirted around) Anna, stop it (growly voice) Anna: no, you stop it! Me: Anna, I'm serious Anna: I'm serious too (WHACK) (SMACK! SPLASH! CLUNK! AARGH! EW!) Jaden: What happened? Me: (pmsl) she kicked the jug and I didnt move it in time and it all landed in Harley's lap! Harley: ew .... Seth: (crying) I tried to get the baby goat to leave and he horned me in the nose Me: oh crikey, quick boys, look around on the ground for Seth's nose, we dont want to lose it in the hay! Seth: (giggles) nah, its okay, its still attached, just hurt Me: okay, I think I'd better finish off milking her, and lets go inside Harley: yeah, mum and dad will be back soon Jaden: and we can tell them we learned how to milk a goat even before they did Me: thanks for the milk Anna Anna: (grudgingly) thanks for the food I guess ... next time leave the two legged kids inside (Back inside) Me: we only got 200mls after we spilled the milk! Ah well Me: Boys, I just have to go outside and give Charlotte her injection, I'll be back inside in a couple minutes Boys: Can we watch? Can we help?