A good thing that is becoming a "bad" thing

Discussion in 'The Chatter Box' started by StaceyRosado, Apr 9, 2008.

  1. StaceyRosado

    StaceyRosado Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Oct 4, 2007
    NJ
    A few of you may know that my grandmother lives with me. She LOVES my goats and finds them so entertaining etc.

    She is lonely and most of the time seems boared. My grandfather was a good invester and she had a house that she sold for total profit so needless to say she is more rich then the rest of the family.

    Now to the "bad" part - she keeps trying to give me money and pay for the goats stuff! Why does this bother me? because I want to do it on my own, to have the satisfaction of using my hard earned money to pay for their things or from the sales of the kids.

    It isn't all bad per say but more anoying because she gets all hurt when I won't accept her money. :(

    It is great and at times it would be so helpful to just have it as "money is not an option" sort of thing and just do what needs to be fone. But man power is more of my need then money but she can't provide that. :sigh:

    I'm just griping and really it isn't such a big deal right? Most people would be excited but it only makes me more upset. Yes I should be saving my money and having her pay for it is a grand idea but not practical in the long run. But thats just my take on it from my prospective. I guess I should pray on this more instead of just getting upset.

    Oh well thanks for letting me ramble on..............I surely am not sounding like an adult am I? :scratch:
     
  2. sweetgoats

    sweetgoats Moderator

    Oct 18, 2007
    Peyton CO.
    Stacey,
    What a wonderful adult decisions that is. I give you loads of credit, because MOST people would take the money, but you are determined to do it on your own, and that is WONDERFUL. :applaud: I applaud you.
    During these times it has to be really hard not to take her help.
    Maybe if you take the money and put it aside and maybe help pay off you school. She will never know you did not use it on the goat.
     

  3. StaceyRosado

    StaceyRosado Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Oct 4, 2007
    NJ
    well thats just it I don't have any debts to pay. School was paid as I went. I can't live with debt it causes me to go crazy.

    I know where my money is down to the cent. I an very specific about it. So I don't spend what I don't have as I love to spend money.

    I may let her help me with my fencing so she doesn't get hurt. That is something that I won't be taking with me but with my dad's ideas for changing it and making it their permanant pen I need to sure it up more. Who knows, I will see what happends I guess. :shrug:

    I am feeling slighty frustrated over different things today. Must need more sleep....... :ZZZ:
     
  4. fritzie

    fritzie New Member

    751
    Oct 6, 2007
    TENN
    stacey that is great that you want to do things your self & i can understand where you are coming from but i also know that she is hurt thinking she can't help you. maybe if you took the money & put it in the bank & then some day when you are thru school & maybe have a family you could use it for there education in her memory taht way your are still paying your own way & at the same time making her happy.
     
  5. StaceyRosado

    StaceyRosado Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Oct 4, 2007
    NJ
    yah thats the hard part - not letting her get hurt.

    I also was afraid of the other 9 grandkids getting jealous if they found out that she was giving me money. But she assures me that everyone is getting their fair share and I am not open with needing anything so she has to tell me that it is there for me and she wants to give it to me.

    I guess I need to have a chat with my dad about what everthing is going ot cost with the improvements and then talk to her about my feelings and make some compromises so we all are happy.

    I get so overwhelmed with money issues that i just want to run and hide.

    Thanks guys :hug:
     
  6. MissMM

    MissMM New Member

    645
    Oct 22, 2007
    McGregor, MN
    Can I have your predicament? Just kidding. There are two sayings from Him that come to mind:

    1. Pride cometh before a fall.

    2. The Lord will provide.

    I do understand your conflict, really. There's such a sense of accomplishment and pride in oneself from accomplishing a goal without requiring monetary "assistance." Maybe your Grandmother sees how happy your goaties make you and would like to invest in ensuring your future happiness in that area? If she really does want to contribute, how about if she buys her own goat or two to keep with your herd? Maybe a top of the line herdshire that you never would have been able to afford on your own?

    I'm sure there are improvements and expansions you would really, really like to do but are limited in your options due to cash flow. The Lord sees your good work...... maybe this is his way of providing a way for you to do what is meant to be.

    Just a few thoughts...... my Grandmother loves my goaties too and she's 95 years old! She loves to show off pictures and has helped name a few. Good luck to you.

    mmm
     
  7. bigoakfarm

    bigoakfarm New Member

    228
    Oct 5, 2007
    Kentucky
    Hi Stacey,

    In my personal opinion, I think you should let her help you as much as she wants. Not because I'm a greedy person but because I think if she's making repeated offers, it's because she WANTS to show her love for you and her interest in you in the most meaningful way that she can, physically speaking.

    She probably can't go out there and string fences or trim hooves or any of the day-to-day things that you need help with so instead of losing that time with you all together she can help you financially with something that matters to you. So that (in a sense) when you are in the barn doing what you love, she is there with you. Even if she can't physically be there with you.

    It would be a different story if you had gone to her and asked and she felt obligated. But it sounds like she really wants to do this for you.

    Kristen
     
  8. StaceyRosado

    StaceyRosado Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Oct 4, 2007
    NJ
    Thanks guys you all are a great help. :grouphug:
     
  9. Tog Lovers

    Tog Lovers New Member

    182
    Oct 10, 2007
    Greensburg, PA
    I had this same situation with my Grandmother. I talked to her and asked her if she would mind putting it in an account for my future children. I explained that it would make me feel better knowing that any children I had would never go woithout things they may need. (like glasses or presciptions) Well she thought that was a good idea and made her feel like she was not cheating me out of my share.
     
  10. morganslil1

    morganslil1 New Member

    344
    Nov 12, 2007
    north carolina
    Stacey you are blessed enjoy your grandmother while shes here. Every living thing needs a purpose in life perhaps you could let her help in other ways perhaps you have a little goaty girl that needs extra attention and perhaps your grandmother if she isnt to busy could provide just whats needed.
     
  11. StaceyRosado

    StaceyRosado Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Oct 4, 2007
    NJ
    I have been thinking on what everyone was telling me and I realize that by not letting her bless me I am cheeting her out of her blessing.

    And that is very selfish of me. I still think it is best for me to do as much as I can on my own but a little help is not degrading. I will use the money not for feed or anything but for stuff that is outside that.

    Well thank you all for setting my head straight :grouphug:
     
  12. bigoakfarm

    bigoakfarm New Member

    228
    Oct 5, 2007
    Kentucky
    I'm glad you're feeling better about it. I think once you start including her in this addiction of yours, you'll be even closer than before! :hug:

    Kristen
     
  13. enjoytheride

    enjoytheride New Member

    Oct 5, 2007
    Humboldt Co Ca
    I know that in that situation I would worry that I was taking advantage of someone so generous or worry that I was being made dependant - or worse, taking the money would allow my innate greediness to gain the upper hand and change the relationship with the giver, maybe even creating resentment.
    It took me years to figure out that the problem was mine, not the givers. That I felt that I could be "hooked" by my wants and was afraid that gifts came with conditions.
    I know now that giving is a great satisfaction to me once I had something that I was able to give- no loans or bribes but giving then never thinking about it again is a true joy. Maybe if I had understood that earlier, I would not have been so prickely about receiving earlier.

    I like the idea of your Grandmother's own goat. How fun she might find that.
     
  14. StaceyRosado

    StaceyRosado Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Oct 4, 2007
    NJ
    hehe if I gave her some of my goats I could get more ----------- hhmmmmm GREAT idea! :cool: :wink: :ROFL: