Grrr... Mad at husband.

Discussion in 'Goat Frenzy' started by Dreamchaser, Jan 15, 2010.

  1. Dreamchaser

    Dreamchaser New Member

    Oct 29, 2008
    Camp Verde, AZ
    Okay, so I'm heading off to bed last night. He follows me to bed. I hate it when he does this, because he's STALKING me in there (no not like that). Meaning, he has a huge conversation that he wants to unfold right then, when I'm dead tired, which never ends well because I am tired and end up letting my mouth run which will piss him off and he will finally leave an leave me alone.

    So, guess what. He doesn't want me to buy a buck. Why don't I wait another year (now that I have my heart set on one) and breed another time. Now mind you, I haven't bred my doe for 2 seasons. She is already 7 or 8. I might get one good breeding season out of her if I am lucky. Yes, maybe it is a little dumb to go out and buy a buck when I may not even have a doe to breed. But I can always get another doe, a nice buck around here is hard to find. I can always use that buck to barter for a nice doe, I.E. Breed in exchange for a doe, or whatever.

    He didn't exactly say NO. But basically told me I should do everything other that buy one. He avoids saying no, but beats around the bush so he doesn't have to. When I say that this is what I want to do, he says, well just think about it more. (Until I come up with another option instead of buying a buck)

    Ugg, there is more, but I'm headed off to work right now... I could just choke him right now.

    You ladies who have husbands who support your goat-thing, you are so lucky.
  2. myfainters

    myfainters New Member

    Oct 29, 2009
    Lancaster, CA
    My hubby was the same way... well actually he would like to still be the same way... BUT... it's amazing how easy it is to change a mans mind when he has hobby too! LOL Mine collects guns... so everytime he says no on a goat I say... fine... no more guns, no parts, no more ammo, no more cleaners, no new bigger safe... you don't need one your not getting anymore guns! :ROFL: :slapfloor: SUDDENLY... he remembers :doh: OH... your right... one more buck wouldn't be so bad... and I guess he'll just go start building a new pen too! :cool: Hahaha... so I just realiaed I have 5 bucks right now and I have reservations on a 6th!!!! Tell your hubby it could be MUCH worse!!!! :GAAH:

    So.. does your hubby have a hobby too???? :hi5:

  3. StaceyRosado

    StaceyRosado Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Oct 4, 2007
    I would find out what he thinks you should do because behind his trying to get your to think of some other "solution" he has an agenda and he knows what he wants but isnt going to go right out and say it. I would make him say it. because him trying to make his idea yours is not going to work.

    You have thought of this you have waited -- thats what he asked you to do and you did it last year. And now here you are, I wouldnt cause a fight but stand your ground, tell him you have tried hard to please him and make sure this is the right decision.
  4. pennylullabelle

    pennylullabelle New Member

    My boyfriend (who I live with, parent with, make financial decisions with...basically we're married!) about lost his mind when I got my first two goats. I admit, I didn't ask. I met them and had to bring them home. I couldn't get cell service at the farm I was at and sure wasn't going to call on the road (try to stay off the phone while driving for safety, especially with 2 brand new preggo mommas with me!)

    After he calmed down he met them and decided they could stay. But then I started getting into uses and shows and such and I wanted more. I don't even like potato chips! But I get the reference :laugh:

    Anyways...we definitely fought a bit over how many I could have and how much I could spend. But we made some agreements on big purchases I had been planning in exchange for an extra doe and some equipment (good pair of grooming clippers and tattoo equipment). Now we have made an agreement that is proving harder then I thought to stick with. I can trade and I can keep doelings born here, I can't buy. But if I find a goat I really want and they don't have any interest in a trade, I don't have a doe to trade, or they aren't interested in my buck until he has proven daughters on the ground...I can't get the goat! But, I guess I have to plan by the rules or I'd have way too many goats already!

    I'm with Stacey, find out what it is that he is trying to make your idea and decide if you can stick with it or not.

    Also - the hobby thing wouldn't work on my guy, but I bet it would on others! I had to convince him that they will eventually pay for their own feed with baby sales, show wins, and the milk products I am making. But...let's face it...that probably isn't true. sssshhhh
  5. bheila

    bheila New Member

    Jan 9, 2009
    Kent, Wa
    When I read posts like this it just befuddles me :shrug: I'm a grown woman and don't need my husbands permission to do what I'd like. Yes, my husband is basically supporting/paying for my hobby but I still make all of the decisions for my animals, clean/take care of them and decide how many goats I have.

    If my husband has a concern/opinion about one of the decisions I've made to buy a goat, spend money on meds....etc, I listen to him. But just because he has a concern and I don't do what he wants doesn't mean I don't care about his opinion. My husband knows that if I want another goat then I'm going to get one but he also know I'll at least take his feelings into consideration.

    It totally sounds like your husband is beating around the bush...tell him to man up and just say exactly what he wants :GAAH: It might not be what you want to hear but at least you know for sure. After listening to his opinion then state what you want and why you want it. He doesn't have to agree with you in order for you to do something that would make you happy.
    I hope I didn't come off as being too snotty or pushy. It's just so hard for me to hear an adult almost having to have permission to do something :hug: I hate the beating around the bush games too :GAAH:

    BTW, my husband helps with goat chores when I need the help and doesn't complain :greengrin: because I'm there to help him change the brakes on the truck to make things go twice as fast :greengrin:
  6. Epona142

    Epona142 The farm that Hope began

    May 25, 2008
    Madisonville, TX
    Sometimes I feel bad for my see, when we met, I didn't have any animals. I know, can you believe it?

    We were moving around a lot and my best friend and dog had recently died, so I didn't want any pets at the moment.

    Fast forward to nearly seven years later (in three days!) and I sometimes wonder if he's still in shock! We've had everything from dogs and cats to geese, ducks, chickens, quail, snakes, turtles, lizards, goats....anything that strikes my interest!

    Once in a while he does try to say no...but then he comes home with an excited expression, "Look what I found!" or "Look! TSC has alfafa pellets now! I got a bag!"

    Poor fellow.


    I am sorry your husband is giving you such a hard time. In all fairness, I did warn hubby this would happen before we got married, so its only his own fault if he stuck around.

  7. SDK

    SDK New Member

    Jun 26, 2008
    Yucaipa ca
    i have no support from anyone in my family, and i've never had a boyfriend who supports it either.. so i feel your pain.. i just do what i want anyway
  8. citylights

    citylights Member

    Jul 3, 2009
    Southern California
    Husbands/Partners/Whatever are infuriating at times! Mine "supports" my animals, but does gripe about the bills occasionally, the mess (he doesn't chip to help at all), and the time I spend away. But he doesn't really tell me what to do with them, and to be honest, I don't even ask him when I do something... He gripes at me about a lot of stuff, but goats aren't it.

    So Dreamchaser -- what happens if you just tell him you've thought about it and you are sticking with your decision to buy the buck? Unless he is expected to contribute money, time, energy... why does he care? How does he think it's going to affect him?
  9. citylights

    citylights Member

    Jul 3, 2009
    Southern California
    Dreamchaser, are you on Facebook? I'm getting confused with all the user names here and FB! I'm [email protected]
  10. SterlingAcres

    SterlingAcres Member

    Oct 19, 2009
    I'm also guilty of not really asking for "permission" :shrug: My husband knows that his life will be miserable if he says no. After all, I'm the one that cooks, cleans, does laundry, bakes, raises his children and takes care of the farm. Soley by myself because he works all the time. I try my hardest to make his life as easy as I can, so he's happy. IMO, he owes the same back to me. Regardless of where it comes from. If a new goat will make me happy, that's what I want and what I'll get.

    I agree. He's got an agenda. Figure out what angle he's working and decide where you stand from there. :hug: Good luck.
  11. kids-n-peeps

    kids-n-peeps New Member

    Aug 24, 2009
    My husband at one point wanted to be a vet, so I am the one usually saying NO to animals. He'll take care of all of their needs . . . feeding, bathing, exercising, training, etc., but I'm the one vaccuuming, mopping, and cleaning up after them. I love them all, but I know that 2 dogs and 2 cats is our limit for the size of our house if I am to enjoy them. So instead of adding to our house pets, we now have 20+ chickens and the goats! Interestingly, the tide is turning and he says no more animals. When I prodded, his reasoning was rational . . . for our current outdoor animal housing, he feels we've reached the max.

    Perhaps your hubby has a similar concern that is understandable, but I agree with the others that he needs to state his concern and not beat around the bush about it. I also agree that a wise man usually agrees with his wife :ROFL:
  12. nancy d

    nancy d Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Oct 5, 2007
    near Seattle
    I dont want or need permission either. He does complain about having too many.
    It took 4 yrs before we kept one as a buck.
    Since the get go he has always wanted to keep one born here but until last season none of them were good enough.
    A few years ago we used a nice young fellow that my mentor offered a lease on.
    At the time we couldnt afford to buy one but I could kick myself for not talking to her & working out some sort of arrangement for purchase, hubby's blessing or not.
  13. MissMM

    MissMM New Member

    Oct 22, 2007
    McGregor, MN
    my DH has "learned" not to tell me "no." It just makes me more determined to do whatever in the heck it is I wanted to in the first place. At the same time, it's with my own money & my responsibility for their care.

    But I know I can get him to do almost anything for a case of beer :)
  14. ENC

    ENC New Member

    Jan 2, 2010
    NE OK
    When I want something I get it. I might run by my wife first like it is a question or request, but the bottom line we both know that is jsut my way of saying it is fixin to happen. I work and my wife stays home with our son. We both take care of the house. I am usually the only one taking care of the animals, she doesn't mind, but I actually enjoy it. If my wife wants something and we have the money she gets it. I usually have to pressure her to spend money on herself. I would say get the darned buck. You only have one shot in this world and if you aren't making the best of it you are doin it wrong.

  15. liz

    liz Well-Known Member

    Oct 5, 2007
    Shelocta PA
    I agree with you 100% Miss MM.....AMAZING what a guy will do for a beer and to be left alone!
  16. Iwantgoats

    Iwantgoats New Member

    Oct 3, 2008
    Our animals are a family affair (steers, goats, chickens, rabbits) we feed and take care of them together and if he or I want something then we get it. Last week we ended up bringing home a bottle calf. My DH and son had been wanting an angus bull calf to raise and one became available that was in our price range so DH hauled it home in the back of his Jeep, lol.

    Two years ago I lost my beloved GSD that would never have allowed me to have any of the animals listed above because she was very protective of our property. When she passed I told DH we could either get chickens or I could get another dog. He thought "how much could chickens cost compared to a dog and vet bills?" Boy, he had no idea what he was getting himself into, lol. We decided on 5 chickens, LOL. We brought home 12 then he had to build a brooder then an $800 coop then the next spring I got 25 more chicks and then I just had to hatch my own and one incubator was enough so I got two w/turners. The next logical step was bunny rabbits and then a couple of goats, then a couple more, then the bottle calves. Well then we had to have a dog to protect it all. Moral of my story is do what makes you happy and everything else will just fall inline.

    We have less money than we've ever had but we are happy!!
  17. Dreamchaser

    Dreamchaser New Member

    Oct 29, 2008
    Camp Verde, AZ
    My husband has no hobbies. Man I wish he did! He's not a beer guy, he has no real friends. He's not a buddy kind of guy.

    I found out that it's the money right now that is the issue. Between the cost of traveling, the cost of the buck, upkeep was just an excuse to add to the list... I found out that he is stressed right now about finances. We tallied everything up and between the cost of the goat and gas, etc. it would end up costing us at least $1200.

    There is one other option I thought about. Since my goat is not registered anyway, and I would have to register her NOA, I might as well just find a stock alpine buckling to buy and breed her to. Hopefully I will get a doeling :pray: and then I can just register her NOA instead. Then next year I can buy a better buckling and go from there.

    There is a man who has some alpines just for milk, and he sells off most of his extras. I can get a cheap buckling there and start out. Bottom of the pile, but it's a start. I could at least be satisfied with knowing that I can get something better later on. My husband was enthusiastic about that option.

    *shrugs* I dunno...
  18. StaceyRosado

    StaceyRosado Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Oct 4, 2007
    Dayna thats a great start -- You may get a doeling that is superior to your doe even if she isnt all papered up. If this option gives you teh chance to have a kidding or two with yoru doe go for it! There are many years ahead to go the registered route. :thumb:
  19. DebMc

    DebMc Member

    Dec 10, 2009
    My hubby gave up saying "no" as, in his words, I do what I want regardless. He's always been a dog lover but the past few years has slowly come around and become more open to the barnyard additions. Last fall he picked up a doeling for me down in Tucson and today he worked at home from 1 pm on so he could keep an eye on our cattle dawgs (both are recovering from injuries) in my absence. (I had an out of town medical appointment.) He even closed up shop and put all the animals in their night enclosures and feed them for me. They are my animals, not his.

    If I were you, I'd ask hubby why he wants you to think about it for another year. To me, it sounds like he may have something on his mind and isn't being straight forward. Guys are like that.

    Here's to getting that buck you want.

    Deb Mc
  20. Dreamchaser

    Dreamchaser New Member

    Oct 29, 2008
    Camp Verde, AZ
    As in, Tucson AZ??? I'm in AZ....