HAHAHAHA!!! Very funny sign.
Too bad I'm guilty on every single front (even guilty of #2 once or twice).
As for #3: Not possible. Nothing can be both "tight" and "comfortable" at the same time (one reason I eschew bras). It's like saying your tinder needs to be both dry and damp. One of my husband's favorite sayings is, "Nothing's right when your underwear's tight!"