Need some advice?

Discussion in 'The Chatter Box' started by myfainters, Nov 8, 2010.

  1. myfainters

    myfainters New Member

    Oct 29, 2009
    Lancaster, CA
    Ok, so I am giving my friend and mentor my best doe (PGCH) after she kids this season as a thank you for all the help that she has been to me in getting started with goats. ( I was not an easy case to teach! LOL)

    Anyway I just love this lady to pieces and would do just about anything for her...she's just one of those people. HOWEVER, she is friends with another breeder that I've had some issues with...this other lady has put me down behind my back and been a bit catty towrds me to say the least. Anyway at the most recent show....she was looking at my doe and was telling everyone that she was going to be her doe after my friend is done with her because when she kids out for my friend they have a deal where she is going to get her. MY BEST doe.... going to a woman who has NOT been kind to me and hasn't said the nicest things about me to her clientele. (I have NO idea why she doesn't like me by the way.. I've never done anything to her and I used to think she was my friend until she stabbed me in the back in another recent incident)

    So my question is.... is there any tactful way to tell my friend... I'm giving her my doe.... but if she doesn't want to keep her... I'd like her back? Would that be rude to say or is that a fair option? I know she is friends with this other breeder and I'm not one to start drama so I'd rather not get into anything... I'd much rather it just be a simple... I'm thankful for all the help... here is a gift, if you decide to place her out in the future please just give her back to me? :ponder:
     
  2. TinyHoovesRanch

    TinyHoovesRanch New Member

    I think you should tell her that you get first right of refusal. If she doesnt want to keep the doe you gave her as a gift, then she needs to give her back to you.

    That would be kinda rude of her to give away your best doe that you gave her as a gift right?

    I know if someone did that to me, I would be really mad......

    Hope that doesnt happen :(
     

  3. StaceyRosado

    StaceyRosado Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Oct 4, 2007
    NJ
    I would be honest with your mentor/friend and tell her that this is a gift for all her help but she is your best doe and if she feels the need to ever pass her on then you would like to have her back.

    Write up a contract stating as such because its not like you dont want the goat anymore but that you want to bless your friend.

    I might be as forward as to state "I overheard at a show an individual stating that you and her have an agreement for X doe to move on to her after you have bred her. If this doe means so little to you as a gift to already be planning on passing her on maybe I should offer you her kid or a different doe. If your only object is to receive kids out of her in your name then I would like to arrange to have her returned to me after she kids for you."

    This is your doe - YOUR GIFT - Your decision.
     
  4. toth boer goats

    toth boer goats Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Jul 20, 2008
    Corning California
    Stacey beat me to it....LOL :wink:

    If she is your best Doe... I would write up a contract for her to sign....that you are giving her this Doe..... and that if..... she decides that she doesn't want the Doe anymore.... to please return her to you.... at no cost...as she was a gift.....

    That this Doe is loved and really means alot to you. ....and is being given to your friend as a gift ... from your heart.... :hug:

    I don't know why .....she is already giving her to someone else.... even before she gets her...I am sorry but.... IMO I think that is rude.... :(
     
  5. StaceyRosado

    StaceyRosado Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Oct 4, 2007
    NJ
    the other thing is that this back stabber might just be missinformed OR just stating things to get you upset. As sad as it is people do do that :(
     
  6. myfainters

    myfainters New Member

    Oct 29, 2009
    Lancaster, CA
    Yeah I was pretty shocked to hear that myself. :shocked:
    But this doe is a BRAT!!!!! I'm not fond of her personality by any means so I can't really get too upset over anyone thinking ahead about when they'd want to part with her. I just hope she understands that this is structurally my best doe and I obviously don't want her going from home to home to home .... so I think I will just tell her that if she EVER decides to part with her for any reason I would definitely want her back. Who knows it may just be wishful thinking on this other breeders part as my friend certainly hasn't mentioned parting with her to me, but I do think I should have my bases covered just in case.

    I just didn't know if that would be overstepping my boundaries.... you know giving a gift with provisions? :scratch:

    I don't feel comfortable writing out a contract for a gift..... but I trust my friend to give her back if she doesn't want her anymore.... like I said... she's a really great lady. I just don't think she knows about the conflict between her other friend and I. Frankly, I didn't even know there was conflict between her other friend and I until fairly recently. :(
     
  7. myfainters

    myfainters New Member

    Oct 29, 2009
    Lancaster, CA
    Yeah I did think of that.... maybe she just enjoyed watching me almost fall over. :roll: LOL
     
  8. citylights

    citylights Member

    824
    Jul 3, 2009
    Southern California
    Jess, I would totally write out a contract -- just tell your friend that as much as you love her, in order to protect the friendship, you'd feel more comfortable with a contract -- just to make sure there's no misunderstanding.... after my daughter went away to college, I feed leased her show horse to a woman I thought I could trust. She kept her for a year and then -- without telling me -- cold her on Craigslist! I had ti hire an atty and track her down.... be careful!
     
  9. toth boer goats

    toth boer goats Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Jul 20, 2008
    Corning California
    Contracts are very important..... You never know what will happen down the road....friends... relatives or whatever....I do have to say... I have seen judge shows... to where things went wrong ....with no contracts...and they lost.....things get so turned around with lies .....and things... that never happened or said...to get the benefit of what is being argued about.........you have to protect your own...... a contract is straight forward and signed by both parties.. :hug:
     
  10. HoosierShadow

    HoosierShadow Senior Member

    Apr 19, 2010
    Central Kentucky
    You know if it was me... I am not real gutsy <LOL>, but if I were giving someone my best doe, and I heard this... I would confront my friend and ask if it's true. If they are a true friend, they are not going to be mad. You just tell her what you heard. I think I'd rather confront this now if it were me, instead of giving her the doe, and then something happen that would hurt your friendship.
     
  11. toth boer goats

    toth boer goats Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Jul 20, 2008
    Corning California
    very good point...HoosierShadow...... :thumb: