Need your brainstorms for a scene in my fantasy novel

Discussion in 'The Chatter Box' started by Sonrise Farm, Sep 28, 2008.

  1. Sonrise Farm

    Sonrise Farm New Member

    Sep 18, 2008
    Southwick, Idaho
    Hey, I'm writing a fantasy novel about a girl who was in a car accident--- and her parents die in the crash. I get stuck everytime in the scene where they break the news to her . . .got any good ideas? ps. hehe, and if you want I can post the prolog on here . . .
     
  2. heathersboers

    heathersboers New Member

    629
    Sep 5, 2008
    Wilson N.C.
    Re: How? Need your brainstorms for a scene in my novel

    I would have her laying in the hospital bed with whoever tells her to the side of it- She asks about how they are doing- and the other person says (name) honey,(pause) they didn't make it-then tear down into the wailing NO!!!! Just make it dramatic- Its sure to bring tears to their eyes!!! Id love to see what you have done so far!!!
     

  3. Sonrise Farm

    Sonrise Farm New Member

    Sep 18, 2008
    Southwick, Idaho
    Re: How? Need your brainstorms for a scene in my novel

    Okay, you have to promise 2 things before you read this . . . #1 if you think it's weird and funny . . . DON'T TELL ME. (I get embarresed so easy . . .) #2 you have to take into consideration that I am 16 yo . . . okay the below is where she is unconcious from the accident and she is dreaming about something that happened before the accident, (where she was in a another world before,)
    Prologue



    It was a river of light that divided all the worlds of the universe.
    Its source was a large fountain made of gold with silver carvings, with cherubs standing all around it, watching so that no one should rob of its wealth.
    They held the Keys of Entrance, barring the Portals of Pathways between my world and his.
    The firebird circled above our heads, and the river whispered in a language of feelings so deep I wanted to cry out an answer.
    The Dawn of Succession was rising, I had to make a choice, before the day was begun— before the verdict was clear, before everything would be changed.
    The portal burned brightly above the center of the water, turning slowly in the air— trapped in the wind tunnel called Choice.
    Go. My mind cried. Leave before it’s too late.
    No. My heart whispered. Stay here. You belong . . . .
    "Sharai!" his voice rang through the trees. I could hear the pounding of hooves as they came closer— to stop me from doing what I knew, but didn’t feel, was right.
    I turned back to the Portal and walked across the surface of the water, ripples shimmering where my feet had been, then the river smoothed over, erasing all memory of my existance in that short space of time.
    I turned back, one last time, and cried out something even I could not understand. It wasn’t words, but sound— feelings of turmoil and confusion, of bitterness and sorrow, and deepest regret.
    Yet I knew what I did was for the best. . . everything would turn out right in the end . . .
    The wind tunnel sucked me in, and as the Portal closed behind me, I could still hear him screaming my name above the wind . . . .
     
  4. heathersboers

    heathersboers New Member

    629
    Sep 5, 2008
    Wilson N.C.
    Re: How? Need your brainstorms for a scene in my novel

    I think it is great!!! Even though you are only 16- you can't tell it by reading it! It is very intriguing- :clap:
     
  5. Sonrise Farm

    Sonrise Farm New Member

    Sep 18, 2008
    Southwick, Idaho
    Re: How? Need your brainstorms for a scene in my novel

    thanx . . . . :wahoo: I've been writing since I was like ten . . . thanks for your idea too . . .
     
  6. creaturesall

    creaturesall New Member

    288
    Oct 26, 2007
    Langdon, AB Canada
    Consider having the girl only believe she has awakened from the accident, but in fact ( you reveal this later on) she has fallen into a coma as a result of her injuries. Perhaps in her coma-like state, her parents do die, as in real life. Once she has gone through having to deal with and accept their passing within that sub-story line, she ultimately awakens from her coma. Initially she is very excited to learn that she has been in a coma all along and that her parent's death was a part of that dream-like state and not reality. However, she soon learns that her parents have, in fact, died and now she has to deal with it all over again, only this time it's for real.

    You can choose how to have her deal with the events of her parents' passing as a result of her having had to go through the emotion of it all twice. Perhaps the extra stress is too much for her and she falls into despair. Alternatively, who of us gets the benefit of a rehearsal to help us deal with the sometimes awful things that life throws at us? Maybe she comes through the ordeal with a better understanding of the purpose tragedy can have in honing our lives. Maybe good things can come from bad events.

    There! That's the easy part. Now you've got the tough job of making it all work. Good luck... writing is both a lot of fun and a lot of very hard work.
     
  7. heavenlyhaven

    heavenlyhaven Senior Member

    627
    Apr 16, 2008
    Belmont, NY
    if it is a fantasy have her parents visit her and tell her
    maybe in a dream or a vision
     
  8. Sonrise Farm

    Sonrise Farm New Member

    Sep 18, 2008
    Southwick, Idaho
    haha heavenly haven--- this is what I wrote yesterday night before going to bed:

    ONE


    Sharai . . .Sharai . . .rai. . . rai . . .


    Sharai was awake. Or atleast, she thought she was.
    Every breath she took seemed to echo, leaving her with a dream-like sensation that warned her of something she could not understand.
    Somewhere beyond the darkness behind her eyelids, a moniter beeped softly, and there was the quiet intake of someone else's breath.
    Sharai wanted to open her eyes--- but couldn't. It felt as though someone had dropped her from a great height, and the fall had broken every one of her bones, leaving her mind disconnected from her body . . .
    Voices that called to her from far away, pulled her deeper into the dark.
    I'll just lie still for a while . . .
    Sharaiah. . . Like a warm, summer breeze, the voice was welcoming.
    "Mama?" Sharai stirred, trying to stand up, trying to see where her mother's voice was coming from . . .
    No, not yet. The soothing voice, like hands, forced her to lie back and lay still.
    "Where are you?" The loudness of her own voice seemed to shatter the darkness--- and like a heavy black mist it rose slowly, leaving the space greyish with a trace of dawn in it's horizon.
    Here. Two transparent, illuminated shadows detatched themselves from the grey and then began to drift away.
    "Mama? Dad?" Sharai gasped, trying to fight the hands that insistently pushed her back.
    No matter what happens . . . we will always be with you, Sharai . . . always be with you . . . . . always . . . always . . . be with you . . . you . . . you . . .
     
  9. PiccoloGoat

    PiccoloGoat goat girl x0x0

    Sep 10, 2008
    Australia
    wow that paragraph made everything seem quiet in my house *freaky!*

    i really like it
     
  10. Sonrise Farm

    Sonrise Farm New Member

    Sep 18, 2008
    Southwick, Idaho
    thankx. The spots where a word is repeated and then the . . . the words there are suppose to get smaller and smaller but I didn't take the time right now to make the fonts smaller . . . It's funnny, because I have been editing and redoing this book for like the past 4 years . . .so now this would be the final draft, and if I finish it before 2009 I would be lucky. By the way the title name is "Portal".
     
  11. PiccoloGoat

    PiccoloGoat goat girl x0x0

    Sep 10, 2008
    Australia
    Well Im kinda good at stories so
    maybe if you could post the plot and stuff I could help fill in?? :scratch:
     
  12. Sonrise Farm

    Sonrise Farm New Member

    Sep 18, 2008
    Southwick, Idaho
    U know I have never written the plot down . . . I carry it in my head . . . but give me a few days here and I'll 'try' to write it down . . .try . . . I am what people call and untidy writer . . .
     
  13. gnomes'n'goats

    gnomes'n'goats New Member

    131
    Oct 8, 2007
    Under a mushroom
    hmmm.... It's very good but I know you'll hate me for saying this but- it almost seems too descriptive. Very good metaphors and such but its seems a little bit like you're overdoing it. Just a thought!
    I've never been good at writing that sort of magic-ey happy sort of thing. I prefer cold desperate short stories. I can post the one I wrote this afternoon. :greengrin:
    It's very.....whats the word?.... gloomy. lol
     
  14. Sonrise Farm

    Sonrise Farm New Member

    Sep 18, 2008
    Southwick, Idaho
    thank-you for the opinion! I will read it over and make changes! Thanks everyone :)
     
  15. PiccoloGoat

    PiccoloGoat goat girl x0x0

    Sep 10, 2008
    Australia
    Yeah i couldnt quiet figure out what didnt seem right

    It just seemed hard to read because it was so descriptive i found myself skimming across them xD

    Im just lazy but i love the idea of the story