Prayer request please

Discussion in 'The Chatter Box' started by liz, Aug 26, 2009.

  1. liz

    liz Active Member

    Oct 5, 2007
    Shelocta PA
    This is extremely difficult for me to share but I am in desperate need of a prayer or two.

    My only sister is just 10 months younger than me, has 2 beautiful kids and is a hard working and loving person and is my best friend, she put herself on the back burner one too many times with her health as she has no health coverage and could not afford to miss work. Well, she is now in the hospital with heart problems, went through a heart catherization today and will possibly need to go to the "big city" hospital to have the electrical short in her heart fixed. I am so angry with my own mom because well, to put it nicely, mom has some serious mental health issues and has really done nothing but upset my B I L by being a very selfish type person, putting herself at the center of attention and not seeming to notice that she caused most of the stress with my sister. My B I L is so full of anger and hate for my mom at this point, I really do not know how to tell my mom to back off. She insists on being "with my sister" but requires my B I L to pick her up and drive her to the hospital all the while doing nothing but complaining and moaning about her own health, which angers him even more as he see's her putting herself first instead of keeping her mouth shut and being there for her grandkids...royally pisses me off too that my mom NEVER offers to take the kids for a few hours, and when asked, she has other things to do. I am rambling here, I know but I am so torn between doing what is best for my sister and telling my mom to back off or breaking my mom's heart by telling her the truth, that and being so scared for my sister's health and I can't help but have such awful thoughts going through my head and all the "what if's" are just making me crazy. When I get to the point of thinking that I would just love to shake some sense into my mom I feel guilty because she IS my mom and I'm afraid that if I do keep my mouth shut, my B I L is going to snap and be a not so tolerable guy. I don't know what to do, sometimes I even wonder if my mom is the normal one and I'm screwed up. :(

    Thanks for letting me get this off my shoulders, it has been a knot in my heart with an ache all day long, the ache has disappeared since I've gotten it out, but I know that you guys understand the need to vent.
     
  2. citylights

    citylights New Member

    822
    Jul 3, 2009
    Southern California
    Liz, I know I am fairly new to this forum and I don't know you as well as the others do, but you and your family are in my heart and in my prayers. I was diagnosed with breast cancer a year and a half ago and completed all my treatments. I am doing well, but I am telling you this because even though my sister and I have always been wonderful friends, my illness made us realize just how important we are to each other... in your heart of hearts, you will know the right thing to do. ANd sometimes, we have to hurt people to help another. Hurt feelings aren't life-threatening, but heart issues are. You will do the right thing.... take care.... Denise
     

  3. HollowbeadRanch

    HollowbeadRanch New Member

    Oct 5, 2007
    NW Alabama
    Liz I am SO VERY sorry hun :hug: :hug: You know we are here WHENEVER you need to talk to someone! :hug: Things will work out, and when it comes down to it you will know what to do. I know how things can get on edge at times like this, and I am sure your BIL is stressed to no end which is not helping is agrivation any I am sure :sigh: I will say that after my husband being put in a similar situation when I had surgery a couple of years ago... I definitely know how upset husbands can get at times like this :hug: As I said, you will know what to do when it comes down to it :hug: If you need someone to talk to I should be on and off of messenger all day today... feel free to drop me a line :wink: :hug:
     
  4. cdtrum

    cdtrum New Member

    Aug 25, 2008
    Northern Indiana
    Liz.....You and your family will be in my prayers.....I have had my own issues with family, not knowing whether to say something or not.........probably the greatest advice my mom ever gave me and I now give to my own kids is go with your gut feeling......you will know what to say and when to say it....but think first because whatever you say you can't take back, but there are tackful ways to get you feelings out. It could be that your mom doesn't even realize the stress she is putting you all under because she is a self--centered person (I don't mean that ugly).....I know this because I have a husband that is very self-centered at times, it is just how he is......but when I bring it to his attention, he is like "oh, I didn't realize I was being that way." There are times when I just have to tell him and once I bring it to his attention he changes his whole attitude on things......it is just how he is......his grandfather and father were and are the same way!
    Take care and listen to your gut, which I think is when God is trying to tell us what to do......Denise
     
  5. RunAround

    RunAround New Member

    Feb 17, 2008
    Massachusetts
  6. sweetgoats

    sweetgoats Moderator

    Oct 18, 2007
    Peyton CO.
    Liz,

    I am so sorry that you are going through this.

    I just want to say DITTO what Denise said. Very well stated and just ask the lord to guide you in what to say to your mom. You do need to talk to her. :hug: :hug:
     
  7. KW Farms

    KW Farms Moderator Supporting Member

    Jun 21, 2008
    Wapato, WA
    :hug: Oh gosh, I am so sorry. You've gotten some great advice so far. I have nothing to ad, but just know that I am here sending prayers and support. :hug:
     
  8. kelebek

    kelebek New Member

    Oct 5, 2007
    South Texas
    hey sweety - don't ever feel that you have to apologize for needing a shoulder - that is what friends are here for :hug:

    I am so sorry that you have been put into this position. I was in something very simular at one point with my mother and I finally had to "tell her" how it was and now it has grown a bond between us - but that is not neccesarily the case with all....

    I hope your sister gets better soon

    Allison
     
  9. Zelda

    Zelda New Member

    185
    May 2, 2009
    Rocky Mountains
    I don't think that talking to her is a bad idea, but you need to have very realistic expectations about the outcome. If your mom is anything like my MIL (who has mental problems and has to be the center of everyone's universe) - telling her that she is causing problems will only make her spin even more into her own world and justify it by any means necessary. She might decide YOU are the bad guy, or that EVERYONE hates her, or that her life should be over because she is just such a burden on everyone (which is really just another way to glean attention). DH & I have never been able to talk with my MIL and have any satisfaction that the words sank in and caused any sort of change. Her behavior might be a little better for a short while, but somehow it all gets twisted around and justified in her mind and comes right back out.

    I know you want to fix this for your sister and your BIL, but realistically you may not be able to.

    I am not trying to be pessimistic and I do fully support you in your effort to try and make things better - but there is a good chance that at this time, all it will do is create more drama which may be devastating for everyone. If I were you, I would just have a heart to heart with your BIL and see what he thinks would REALLY help. He may feel that the additional drama isn't worth it at this time... And it may be an issue that should be tabled until the worst of this situation is passed. Or there may be some very specific issues/requests that you can address with her without opening the whole can of worms.

    It is not easy dealing with mental instability, and my heart goes out to you for trying to walk the line.

    :hug:
     
  10. toth boer goats

    toth boer goats Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Jul 20, 2008
    Corning California
    Prayers.... coming your way....... :hug: :pray:
     
  11. kids-n-peeps

    kids-n-peeps New Member

    477
    Aug 24, 2009
    Virginia
    I got some great advice from a good friend. She reminded me that I can't change people, that I can only change how I respond to them. Her suggestion was to only respond to the positive and give no attention to negative behavior or attention-seeking behavior.

    I agree that the best thing you can do is be there for your sister - be present with her, let her know how much you care, give her some of your strength. Let her be the focus. I pray that she is going to be okay and that the family will unite during this time.
     
  12. liz

    liz Active Member

    Oct 5, 2007
    Shelocta PA
    Thank you all for the wonderful support, and Zelda.....you are so very right, even though my mom is medicated for the mental issues AND she herself has heart problems.....you hit the nail on the head! She has already gone the "I won't be a burden to anyone anymore" and the "Why me?" BS with us. My mom is an aggrivating visitor to my sister, sits and cries....which just pisses my sis off, has also been "talking" with the nurses and telling them different things that is just contributing to my sissy's stress. I am at a loss as far as what to do, if I say something to my mom it will just make her worse, if I don't she'll continue this behavior til my B I L snaps and I really fear the outcome of that.

    I feel pretty helpless at this point, can't do much except be there for my sister and be her ear to beat, she knows that she needs to have this taken care of but she just wants to be home with her kids, my niece and nephew start school on Monday and she wants to be there for that but the aggrivation that my mom is causing her is not helping at all. My sister does not want to go through the procedure the doctors want to do because she does not know if she will be home in time for the kids to start school, the fact that it involves lasers on her heart also scares her......but the Drs feel that it is best to do it now while she is young as opposed to later when the outcome wouldn't be so good, I'm scared too, but my mom is the ONLY one that has these feelings at this point.
     
  13. RowdyKidz

    RowdyKidz Senior Member

    Apr 2, 2009
    NW Ohio
    Liz that's way too bad! I am so sorry to hear that.

    But I can relate...too closely for comfort.

    Anyway, hugs to you and your sister. :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  14. liz

    liz Active Member

    Oct 5, 2007
    Shelocta PA
    Thank you all so much :hug:

    My sister is being transported to Pittsburgh tomorrow for the surgery, my niece and nephew are here with me while their dad is with my sister. My mom knows that if she wants to be at the hospital, she'll need to find someone else to take her as my B I L refuses to be near her at all. My sis knows that this is the best thing for her to have done so that she has many healthy years ahead of her....but she is scared and very upset that she won't be taking her daughter to meet her teacher tomorrow nite or even that she won't be home for the kids first day of school on Monday. My nephew is starting 7th grade and my niece is starting 3rd, both know that mommy is sick and that she will get better, but my niece is very sad that mommy won't be brushing her hair and helping her get dressed for school.
    Please pray that the surgeons can find the area in her heart that is "shorting out" and that they can fix it with no complications. :hug:
     
  15. cdtrum

    cdtrum New Member

    Aug 25, 2008
    Northern Indiana
    Prayers coming your way :pray: ! So wonderful that you can be there for the children :hug: .
     
  16. kids-n-peeps

    kids-n-peeps New Member

    477
    Aug 24, 2009
    Virginia
    Liz - I am so glad you are with the children. Even though your sister, of course, wants to be with them and you probably also want to be with her, you are giving her great peace of mind that they will be cared for and loved.

    I pray that her procedure goes well and that she has a speedy recovery.
     
  17. sweetgoats

    sweetgoats Moderator

    Oct 18, 2007
    Peyton CO.
    Liz, I have to agree with kids-n-peeps. Yes mom can not be with the kids and same with dad but you are the next best thing to mom, your sister can know the kids are safe and taken care of, so she does not have to worry about that. Tell those kids they will have a first day of school with mom when she gets home. It will be the first day of school since is home. It will be even more special.

    If it is possible I sure would be talking to the kids teachers explaining what is happening with mom so if the kids are not acting right they will know what is going on. It can really help if they know.

    My husband step Cousin had a pacemaker defibrillator put in to regulate his heart. It took some adjusting and things but he is fine now. She will be fine with all they prayers coming form here.

    Liz, please take care of yourself also. When things like this happen we tend to care for the others and forget about ourselves. Its a women thing. :grouphug:
     
  18. liz

    liz Active Member

    Oct 5, 2007
    Shelocta PA
    Thank you! It was nice having them here, they will see their mom tomorrow and it's actually been good for them and me...was a bit fun to see them try and milk my so very well behaved girls, and they had their minds and hands busy helping me pick tomatoes and make sauce so they were able to keep their mind off of mom for a little while.

    I'll likely not be on til later tonite as I'll be in Pittsburgh tomorrow......thank you so much for the prayers...they are truly working :hug:
     
  19. liz

    liz Active Member

    Oct 5, 2007
    Shelocta PA
    THANK YOU ALL ONCE AGAIN FOR THE PRAYERS, they worked, my sister's surgery was done within 4 hours and the Dr feels 90% sure that he corrected the problem and that she will never need to worry about this again. And even better news is that she will be discharged tomorrow and will be with her kids for their first day of school. :leap:
     
  20. cdtrum

    cdtrum New Member

    Aug 25, 2008
    Northern Indiana
    Wonderful, wonderful news.......so happy for your sis and her family :clap: !