so i have to write a 500 word essay **WROTE IT! EVALUATE

Discussion in 'Goat Frenzy' started by SDK, Nov 23, 2008.

  1. SDK

    SDK New Member

    Jun 26, 2008
    Yucaipa ca
    about my goals and career goals for agriculture. someone gave the county fair 5000 dollars for 5 scolarships.. and i NEED ONE
     
  2. toth boer goats

    toth boer goats Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Jul 20, 2008
    Corning California
    Re: so i have to write a 500 word essay

    good luck to you SDK...I will pray your essay ..."WINS"....."WINS"..."WINS"..to get the 5000 dollars for 5 scolarships :) :pray: :thumbup:
     

  3. SDK

    SDK New Member

    Jun 26, 2008
    Yucaipa ca
    Re: so i have to write a 500 word essay

    ok so i "finished" please let me know what you guys think






    Sarah Carden
    November 23, 2008
    For the Love of Agriculture
    My name is Sarah Carden and for my entire life I have been drawn to animals, but it wasn’t until 2003 that I stumbled unknowing into something that would drastically alter the course and purpose of my life. That something was agriculture.
    2003 was my freshman year, my first year of FFA. That year I became the chapter secretary, and got involved in many animal projects as well as attended many leadership conferences and competitions. I sold my first fair project that year and with the money from the auction I purchased the animals that have become a passion, my Nigerian Dwarf dairy goats. And to this day I still breed, milk, and show these animals at 6 – 8 fairs and shows a year.
    In 2004, my sisters and I joined 4H. I started showing and breeding rabbits for my first 4H project, I then moved to market goats, which have become another project that I enjoyed so much, I have started a breeding program for them. The rest is history.
    Throughout my FFA career I held many officer positions: Chapter Secretary, Chapter Historian, Chapter Vice President, Chapter President, Citrus Section Treasurer, and Citrus Section Secretary. I also competed in many speaking contest and judging contest, attended the state conventions each year, helped organize and run two leadership conferences, attended many more, and in 2006 I had the opportunity to attend the National convention in Indianapolis. To top off this amazing FFA journey, I lettered in FFA my senior year.
    Although I have not had such a bright leadership career in 4H, I have still done my best within my various clubs. Each year of 4H I have been secretary for the club. I have used my experience and knowledge with animals to assist the other members in my club, and now that I have entered into my last year of 4H I have decided to become a leader next year for our club.
    Through all of my experiences with FFA and 4H, at fairs, competitions, and conventions I have slowly discovered my destiny. I have been chosen to become an FFA advisor. My love for livestock and agriculture paired with my passion for youth leadership and helping others points me towards agriculture education. Since my graduation in 2007, my friend and I, who are both going to school to become Advisors, have been visiting an old FFA advisor of our own, putting on workshops for his current students to inspire them with Agriculture.
    I have been attending a local community college near home for the meantime, since I do not have the means to afford going to a university at the moment. I plan on graduating from the Community college with my Associates degree in either education or biology, and then attending either CSU Fresno or Cal Poly Pomona to finish school and become an Agriculture teacher and FFA advisor. I would like to thank you for considering me for the scholarship.
     
  4. SDK

    SDK New Member

    Jun 26, 2008
    Yucaipa ca
  5. Laurel_Haven

    Laurel_Haven New Member

    768
    Oct 19, 2007
    South Carolina
    I read your essay... and I would give you the scholarship. :stars:
     
  6. liz

    liz Active Member

    Oct 5, 2007
    Shelocta PA
    I think that is qualifying material....I hope you get the scholarship.
     
  7. goathappy

    goathappy New Member

    Oct 5, 2007
    Illinois
    Re: so i have to write a 500 word essay

    Ok, first off, I may be a little tough on you here with grammar and structure, but thats only because I'm used to writing really complicated papers ;) Other than that its really nice.

     
  8. SDK

    SDK New Member

    Jun 26, 2008
    Yucaipa ca
    thanks guys

    sarah- i would gladly make it longer.. like.. 8 pages if i could.. but its a 500 word maximum..and im at 499 right now
     
  9. goathappy

    goathappy New Member

    Oct 5, 2007
    Illinois
    Darn that sucks, well then its really good :)
     
  10. SDK

    SDK New Member

    Jun 26, 2008
    Yucaipa ca
    thanks...

    hey when are you shipping your brother to me.. i need him to build me stuff..

    he can bring his goaties


    haha
     
  11. goathappy

    goathappy New Member

    Oct 5, 2007
    Illinois
    He ran away when I tried to put him in the box, I'm afraid he'll bite me next :)

    LOL :lol:
     
  12. SDK

    SDK New Member

    Jun 26, 2008
    Yucaipa ca
    i'll send you a tranq gun and a muzzle
     
  13. toth boer goats

    toth boer goats Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Jul 20, 2008
    Corning California
    too funny... :) :ROFL: :ROFL:


    goathappy...has given real good advice .... :) ..it sounds really good ....and I believe you are winning the scholarship ...SDK... :) :thumbup:
     
  14. Amos

    Amos New Member

    Oct 2, 2008
    Minnesota
    Its great! Very inspiring and proper. I hope you get it! I think you'll do great in that field of careers.
    My first 4-h contest got me my first 2 goats and now I'm goat crazy! Love those type of contests.
     
  15. capriola-nd

    capriola-nd New Member

    Jul 6, 2008
    Northwest Oregon
    That sounds great Sarah. :) Hope you get it!!
     
  16. KW Farms

    KW Farms Moderator Supporting Member

    Jun 21, 2008
    Wapato, WA
    Sounds really good!! Good luck!!
     
  17. SDK

    SDK New Member

    Jun 26, 2008
    Yucaipa ca
    ok well i'm mailing it tomorrow.. everybody cross your fingers and your goats hooves
     
  18. toth boer goats

    toth boer goats Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Jul 20, 2008
    Corning California
    crossing fingers and my goats hooves...now.. :) ..but some of my goaties aren't to happy about it.... because they say.... it is so hard to walk that way.... :shades: ....LOL... :) ..We will all ....pray you get it.... :pray: :hug:
     
  19. grandmajo

    grandmajo New Member

    352
    Oct 14, 2008
    Pioneer, Ohio
    Re: so i have to write a 500 word essay

    Sarah,

    Overall I find this to be well written, but I would either change this sentence, or leave it out all together. As I read it, that sentence says to me that there is a bit of a lack of self esteem. You don't want to leave any doubt in their minds that you are confident, self-assured and deserving of that money. Perhaps you could say something like "I have always strived to do my best within my various clubs".

    Please don't think that I'm being too harsh here, I really want to see you win one of the scholarships!!!
     
  20. goatnutty

    goatnutty Active Member

    Oct 9, 2007
    South East,IN
    I think it is an overall good essay and could very well win you a scholarship. :thumb: