The milking doe’s code

Discussion in 'Dairy Diaries' started by MadHouse, Apr 6, 2020.

  1. MadHouse

    MadHouse Well-Known Member

    I came up with this this morning while milking.
    This seems to be my doe's code of conduct. Yours may have similar or totally different rules. You are welcome to add!

    1. Go crazy at the gate, always give the impression of urgency, milking must happen NOW!
    2. The general idea is, you want as much time with the special food as possible.
    3. Dive into the bowl so farmer knows you never get enough.
    4. Let out moans of pleasure (at the food), but farmer might think you are in pain. This will lead to concerned and careful examination of udder, which adds eating time.
    5. Make sure you let them know which foods are appropriate for this time. Don’t accept mundane food that you can have anytime. Milk the system.
    6. Stomp when you don’t like what they do.
    7. If there is an actual milking bucket under you, give it a good kick. Or step into it.
    8. The appropriate response to “Good girl!” is to stomp.
    9. New staff must earn their right to milk. Make sure you are extra vigilant on the rules.
    10. When they think it’s done and you are supposed to go back, take side trips and use the chance to explore places. If need be, go back to the milking parlour.
    11. Farmers need to work harder to earn your milk.
    12. Have a good laugh.
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  2. toth boer goats

    toth boer goats Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Jul 20, 2008
    Corning California
  3. Goats Rock

    Goats Rock Member

    Jun 20, 2011
    NE Ohio
    13. When farmer is in a hurry, act like you've never seen a milk stand before. Rear back in horror, make her physically lift you onto the stand.
    14. Learn to withhold milk, make the milker work extra hard for that last cup or more! (I had an evil doe that did this)
  4. cristina-sorina

    cristina-sorina Well-Known Member

    May 4, 2018
    Northeast Ohio
    These are great!! :)

    15. Act like it's your first time being milked EVERY TIME, even though this is your second freshening.

    @Goats Rock I have a doe that does #13, drives me nuts!
  5. MadHouse

    MadHouse Well-Known Member

    Mine has done #13!
  6. lhorning

    lhorning Active Member

    Jun 26, 2017
    So funny!

    #16 Upon the first touch of your udder, jump and scream. Make sure farmer knows you don't appreciate her cold hands.

    #17 Just before milking is finished, make sure to pee and leave berries on the stand. If possible drop the berries on farmers arm while she is doing the final cleaning on your udder.

    #18 Always make sure to step off the stand with your rear legs and attempt to hang yourself. Farmer will panic, and if you're lucky, the milk bucket will spill.
  7. Ranger1

    Ranger1 Well-Known Member

    Sep 1, 2014
    #19 If too polite to kick, just go forward and backwards on the stand as far as you can, making the farmer constantly have to move the bucket back and forth to be able to continue milking.

    #20 Squat-like sit-on the milk bucket.

    #21 Hold one leg up in the air indefinitely while being milked. This will keep the farmer on alert, as he tries to guess when and where you are going to put that foot down-when you can’t balance any longer, aim for the center of the milk bucket.
  8. NightShadeMeadows

    NightShadeMeadows Active Member

    Apr 8, 2019
    Abilene Texas
    LOL!! This is so relatable. Thanks for the laugh this morning <3
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  9. Goats Rock

    Goats Rock Member

    Jun 20, 2011
    NE Ohio
    13. A. if milking more than a couple of does: randomly refuse to get on the stand, no one do it everytime, just occasionally, just to drive the owner crazy!
  10. Sfgwife

    Sfgwife Well-Known Member

    Feb 17, 2018
    North Cakalaki
    You forgot the one about must be a total and complete terror... to the extent of bein a buckin bronc on the stand AND refusing to let down. Grrrrrrr!
  11. MadHouse

    MadHouse Well-Known Member

    Would that be “our sweet Jade”?
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  12. MellonFriend

    MellonFriend Well-Known Member

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  13. Sfgwife

    Sfgwife Well-Known Member

    Feb 17, 2018
    North Cakalaki
    Yasssssss! Ugh lol!

    Made mrs turd face stay on the stand tonight til i got a qt of milk. Lost half of it. She got a pedi layin down. But after her pedi she was much nicer for the last two cups. She is a drama llama and tears the pool noodles out of the wall they are on. Throws em on the floor and sighs really loud. The goober! Then she lays her head on the barn wall like she may as well be dead for the tortures.

  14. MadHouse

    MadHouse Well-Known Member

    You sure had us laughing this morning!
    I am not looking forward to training my sweet May on the milk stand. But who knows... she might be soo happy to finally get grain, she might not care.
    Good luck with drama llama!
    Sfgwife likes this.
  15. Sfgwife

    Sfgwife Well-Known Member

    Feb 17, 2018
    North Cakalaki
    Start early! Like when she freshens. Put her on the stand to eat her grain and go through the motions. Wipe her down, massage her udder, put some cream on it. You can snag a few squirts of milk but not much. Just enough to get her used to it all. The first two days jade let us do anything to that udder then she was a nope goat. So i think if you start it early it will be easier.

    When i started with gracie i had milk her every day twice a day cause she had a singlet. She had not been milked before and was on her third freshening. She was a nigi. She kicked some but it was fast to get her settled. Maybe a week before i took the hobbles off. Jade just thinks we are stealin all her milks for her kids now. Hahahha.

    But. I hear goat milk is great for your skin right? Should clear my eczema right up! (doh)(rofl)
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  16. GodsGarden

    GodsGarden Active Member

    Feb 6, 2015
    9. New staff must earn their right to milk. Make sure you are extra vigilant on the rules.
    This is so one of my goats. She can give me trouble at the very end of milking so I have to move the full bucket out from under her very fast. But one time the 'new staff' were milking for me, I was supposed to get the day off, and the doe freaked out. Literally and completely! Wouldn't at all let either of the 'new staff' milk her. Both have been around her, one had milked her before but that doe decided that they were aliens and wouldn't even eat her grain. I had to go out wondering what was wrong ... nothing. Well, something was wrong with her brain but I was allowed to milk her. lol
  17. goatblessings

    goatblessings Fair-Haven Supporting Member

    Jan 5, 2015
    Southwest Ohio
    Take the food holder in the milking stand and pick it up and dump it. Show your displeasure about not having anything to eat by behaving BADLY.
  18. MadHouse

    MadHouse Well-Known Member

    Yes, that is the plan!
    I don’t have a stanchion type stand, just basically a table. I will have to tie her up in the beginning, I am sure. May is a bit skittish. But I figure, I got her tamed (she was a wild kid), and she learned to have her hooves trimmed without being tied, so it should be possible. Food, baby, food is the key!
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